Quarter life crisis from introverts view

---

---

In this adult life, even though I am a newbie at this and I’ve read thousand articles and facts about having a quarter life crisis convinced me that it is not a weird thing to experience this kind of feeling.

Compared to our childhood, in adult days it is easier to say f*ck this shit I’m done. It is easier to say, I ain't gonna trust bullsh*t no more. It is easier to runaway from things we believe we cant make it from the past experience and millions of failures. I'm not only talking about career, job opportunity, etc, I’m talking more about human relation, point of view, may be a conspiracy, a belief, ideology, a tragedy, or even a relationship.

I experienced it myself and it’s true. Kinda make sense indeed.

Because in our childhood times, we tend to have more curiosity and view of our time is still endless and felt like we still have a lot of years left before we die. For example in love.

It’s funny that somebody mentioned something that no one else ever think about before. That relationship that happens before high school is never considered or counted as a “relationship”. Even if you have an “ex” on junior high school, you can’t count em as one of your exes. We barely even knew what relationship really means back then. We were only attracted by our opponents appearance and imagined how fun will it be for our bff or friends or even strangers to know that our status changed from “single” to “in relationship” on facebook. How does it feel to be treated specially by receiving small gifts or shouts or special treatment from someone special. To have something fun and exiting to talk about to our friends or parents. Oh I remember having a secret crush on high school and quited classroom to toilet just to feel the thrill everytime I walked pass through his classroom.

But later on, we must face the fact that we all must be ended in marriage. And die alone is one thing we feared the most. And so, from high school we passed from one relationship to another. Found out what men is most likely to be jerks, a creep, or even a nerd, etc.

Then, BAM,

Quarter life crisis come crashin' in

1. Love live

In the 20’s, or most likely above 25, finding our soulmate is like collecting puzzle pieces by pieces. From what we have now, we even still can’t picture the what the whole puzzle looks like. Even it is possible that we collected, even if it was time and energy consuming, was in the wrong frame all along. It is a puzzle of how you behave in between two people connection, a guide to find love, or even a criteria, who, when, what it is like, etc. a whole framed puzzle that will lead to answers to our marriage.

I do have my criteria, but i’m certainly still struggling to design it. Completed it once but I still revised it many times soon after. Appearance? Hell yeah I still need it. Personality? Obviously, it cant change by the end of marriage. Religion? Ideology? Maturity? Wow such a long list to do huh. If I want to list all of it, my dream man, I can make it to a novel. Not a long crappy words, but short, clear, understandable (well at least for me), statements. Damn how is it possible to search this kind of man even by using the most sophisticated technology ever. Moreover, trillions woman like me can create other novels that can not be compared to be the same to one another.

Tired of searchin’, thinkin’, and plannin’, I just ended up in one statement.

“ as long as the man can really understand my background (family, past, etc) and fear from God”

Well how do you think?

No one can track a man easily with this criteria huh?

Hahaha

And so, I guess the tiring and boring fact we all have to accept in this quarter life crisis is that we have to experience many man, broken hearts, to find out is he really the one who fits our criteria. This includes so many failed dates and awkward meetings lol. But as long as we still want to open our heart and willing to fix ourself to be better person, we won’t end up die alone *crylaugh*

2. Friendship

Yes I know, I have to mention this general statement that many people believe that our friendship circle will gettin’ smaller and smaller as we get older. But without further talk, this still make sense to my perspective about love previously.

When we were child, then teenager, we tend to focus on finding as many friends as possible. More friends, more laugh, more stories to tell. But in adult life, having so many friends is not really necessary anymore.

It is more important to have a friend you can always count on, and having a company through the more heavier and challenging life. Because if you have problem, I’ve read about this too, that telling it to many people won’t really change anything from beneath. It will just going to give more burden to others. And not all people really understand your whole life personally.

ALTHOUGH in a career life, it is quite the opposite. Find as many connection as possible. We tend to find it on our own inner friend circle, organizations, and company partner. People who you can talk professionally and seriously in the end. Not that one friend that will only bring disaster to your company ideas because of sensitivity, personal issues, or even attractiveness. Because I believe not every people can talk and behave like “friends” to us the same as in profesion life. I have worked with a group that we fit and performed so well in work because we treat eachother daily profesionally, but find it hard for them to understand if I need someone to talk about my personal problem.

But one thing I can’t ever understand until this point.

Yet there are still quite few people who still hold on to the “teenager” principles on friendship. The worst truth is, I’ve been told that person have a history about depression. Not sure if it still relates now, can’t say that person is truly “lonely” either.

3. Two face (?)

As a person who predicted that I have anxiety, I used to believe that we all have to be able to change one personality to other, in order to adapt with the environment and the people surrounding us. But as I observe more, it is just really to fulfil other people expectation. In the past I really considered every chance I get on social activity was very valuable in order to achieve something I didn’t even sure what to expect that might be useful for my life. This is a very short period thinker, and yet I don’t know how I really held on to that principle so much.

But life is all about making mistakes, learning to let go, and to be resistance. I know it’s seems cheesy but I have seen all my failures unexpectedly lead me into another success. Even a smallest thing as talking to a stranger spontaniously. We will certainly have another chance in the end. But it doesn’t mean to be ignorant in a chance.

And so, instead of trying so hard to be no one else rather than me, I just have to become me. In every situation. If I just don’t fill fit on a place, no need to force our time and energy. If it doesn’t meant to be, it is not meant to be. Eventually it is just God sending me sign that it is not right. He truly knows what I want to fight for and what I want to be used in this world.

However, being myself is just not as easy as flipping pancake. I find my lifetime is an endless journey of finding who I really am. But before talking about big sh*ts, I even try to start from the smallest, yet, hard thing. Honesty. It is not covering the truth. It is about letting others know you’re not comfortable, mad or sad. But in a mature way, not like a child begging for candy. It is about letting myself out so I won’t be quiet and overthinking much. So I do not have something to regret not doing at the end of the day.

If you ask my friends from school about me, I am a quiet person. So quiet yet so many things to hide so much even the darkest thing (cus' junior high school I felt the darkest point in my life), until I finally say something truthfully it felt soo much like heaven. This can lead to deep conversation and it is sooo much satisfying and motivating.

It's like reflecting actors expressions on disney series, or comedy movies. Trust me it's fun.

4. Passion

I personally believe if you have something to hold on to, there is a pathway that follows you everywhere, anywhere. Looking at these days there are so many millenials i see are really easy to influenced and sometimes change the way they see things easily.

Somehow there is some weird affect from technology transition to this specific generation. Everything is so easy to adopt, from lifestyle to ideology.

Funny thing i even have an older cousin that has so much aesthetic instagram feed than mine, and know so many new trendy places or even gossip faster than people in my age. I feel so much older style than her lol. But i do love more about old life, back then when movies were still black and white and cartoons were still pure but stiff motion.

When people start to lecture about "oh you must achieve money first" bla bla bla. This just gets me thinking that is this updated life technology about tutorial how to live a life really helps people to define the way of thinking or just creating a stiff and mainstream pathway to follow.

Because we all have different abilities, capacities, experiences, that can not be stacked with the same line as other people. study - work at small company - work at big company - promoted - sucess. I really hate that pattern. The pattern that keeps boundaries on people. To hide them from creativity. To get feet on the road and get lost. *as what i quoted from Into The Wild movie*

Life is yet so short to follow a path. We must create our own.

---

So in conclusion, all i am trying to do now is to enddd every pointless meeting and human relation as soon as possible, by being truthful about how i really feel. Just to be clear. A person with "a" feeling can't just stand of being just a friend. Such a bullsh*t if i can.

---